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13.
“Thailand”
Catherine Werth
On a sunny Christmas morning of 2000, I woke up alone and turned on NPR while I stretched to wake up. I was soon wide-eyed in amazement as the first thing I heard was a report on the upcoming election Thailand. Almost daily for two weeks I had some contact with “Thailand”. This continued several weeks into the New Year.
“Thailand” came in multiple forms. Before Christmas I had met a poet online that was traveling to “Thailand”. Glowing Feather sent colorful group email reports of his adventures. My daughter, Ruth Dilley, sent me a drawing for Christmas. It seemed a wonderful likeness of her and as always I loved her artwork. It was not for sometime that I realized she had purchased it at an auction and it was done by a teenager from-you guessed it- “Thailand”.
Friends began to tell me of connections to Thailand. These connections were more numerous and varied than I could have imagined. An artist friend had worked in Thailand twenty years ago designing “trinkets” for the US market. Another friend, Diane told me her husband's uncle had been sent to Thailand as an agricultural advisor many years ago. And so it continued everyday. I would turn and see “Thailand” in print in some form or hear a tale. This recurring theme was very curious to me and a delightful mystery. Was this a message that I needed to go there? I explored international flights and sites to tell me more about the country.
I was free to do what I wanted, but what was that? I was living in Sarasota, Florida in a condo I had bought in August of ’99. But since June of 2000 until early December with the exception of a week I returned to Florida to vote in the Presidential election I had been away. First I went to my son’s graduation. Soon I flew to Texas to help find the solution to my father’s situation. After a comprehensive search we found a wonderful assisted living home for Dad. To help pay for his care we needed to rent his home of many years. The process of going through all his belonging and those of his late wife Emily were both enlightening and wrenching. This took several months. Next, I went to Santa Fe to see my brother Fred and his four children ages 5-13. What had been a very independent life was filled with the pressing needs of my aging father and now my brother's motherless children.
When I finally returned to Florida in December I walked into my condo as if it were the home of a stranger. “Who lives here? I would like to know her!” I thought as I looked around. While it looked vaguely familiar and welcoming, I could not connect with the person of passion whose art hung on the walls and in the Plum Door Gallery downtown. My many woman friends, my creativity coach work and the wonderful adventures I experienced teaching sessions in “Awakening Creativity” were all important parts of my life before my family detour out west. Now, I felt exhausted, disconnected and bewildered as if I had to start from ground zero. As I shared before, the Thailand theme began within days of my return.
The time I had spent in my Dad’s home was very lonely and trying. I had few connections in Austin and the tasks at hand were emotional and endless. There was no working TV in the house and the radio did not come in clearly so I turned to my laptop for connection by going online. The intimidating thoughts of answering personal ads melted. While I often used the delete key and moved on to the next response I had many intelligent and a few intriguing replies. I found myself healing from a fear of relationship.
When I returned to Sarasota I placed a playful, honest personal ad online. One of the more interesting responses I got was from Joe. We wrote for almost a month before meeting on Jan 5, 200l. This was the start of a new adventure. By May 5th we spoke of looking for a house somewhere in a less populated area of and drove to Dade City northeast of Tampa to antique and explore. I was surprised to find rolling hills. Joe was surprised when I said, “I love this area because it reminds me of my land in Texas!” He said, “I didn’t know you had land in Texas.” He did know my father was there and had been saying I needed to get back for a visit. The next day I got word that Dad was very ill and I flew out as soon as I could get a flight. He was not able to speak. When I came to his bedside it was the first time in my 55 years that I had seen him cry. After one of the long days with him I stopped at a builder’s model and walked in. “I could live here”, I thought.
I told my father that Joe and I were going to build a house on the land. He passed away three weeks later. Joe and I decided to pursue the dream and within an incredibly short time the many pieces flowed together to change our lives. I felt like there was an angel on my shoulder. We settled on our home Feb. 5, 2002 just 13 months after first meeting.
This land located west of Austin and north of Dripping Springs is part of a ranch purchased by my grandfather in December of 1942. The 165 acres was very small place as compared with the neighbors at that time with hundreds or even over a thousand acres. Pop intended to retire here. In 1947 my parents and baby Cathy ( that’s me), moved from New Jersey to the old stone ranch house at the end of the road to care for the land and eventually ownership went to my parents.
I loved growing up here, but longed to see the world. I went away to college and later moved to Dallas to teach. In 1972 marriage took me to live north of Philadelphia. Dad divided the land among my brothers and me in 1984. The land didn’t fit into my life in Pennsylvania with young children. Even later I did not see how I could ever get back to the land full time. I had a dream of a home on the land, but thoughts of living here alone seemed too challenging. The once or twice a year walks on the 35 acres made the yearly taxes an extravagance, but I felt deep ties to land and would not sell as some people suggested.
In a writing group in the spring of 2001 we were given the opportunity to respond in a ten minute writing experience to the query of what we would do if we had only one year left here on earth. I found myself writing about my children and time with them. I also wrote passionately about creating walking trails on this land to preserve the natural areas with its rugged terrain, streambeds and rock formations. Many ideas percolated and are being considered including a retreat center and artist community.
The bluebonnets along with varieties of yellow, white and purple wildflowers are covering our hilltop this spring. I can see the distant hills across a valley below my studio/office. This is a hands-on-life, clearing land to give the oaks room to grow and open up the views, lining the drive and walks with rocks from the land, lifting, moving, expanding, and creating beauty. I feel strong and am thriving in the abundant space of this peaceful environment and in my relationship with Joe.
There is another miracle to be noted. On a Sunday morning at the end of February Joe said that he would like us to think about getting “a dog”. In the afternoon, two white puppies walked up the road and adopted us. Cassie, an Anatolian Shepard, and Cochise, a Great Pyrenees, are now romping and growing through our lives bringing even more joy.
For years my night “dreams” took me flying over this land and now I am once again rooted in the place I spent my childhood. I feel contentment than I have seldom experienced. Some months after settling-in I realize I do indeed have my “Thailand”- “Ties-to-the-land” and I am home.
Catherine Werth - April 2003
Planner and Developer in the Texas Hill Country,
Artist, class in “Awakening Creativity” and partner in Hilltop-Trader.
http://www.hilltop-trader.com for art, antique porcelain, photos, furniture and other delights.
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