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15.

Fox at the Door

Catherine Werth

 All my life I longed to be an artist.  My early inspiration was my Aunt Jean who for painted several portraits of me as a preschooler, but my own canvas had only a few marks.  In April of 1995 I was in NYC at the “Awakening the Soul” conference sponsored by Omega Institute.  Matthew Fox, the pioneer theologian who was asked to leave the Catholic Church due to his radical views, was presenting on a Sunday morning.  It had been a busy couple of days and I even considered missing that early session. 

 Matthew Fox was intensely focusing on the dire condition of the planet with a “time is running out” theme. At first I found his talk disturbing rather than inspiring.  Then he began to speak about the artist as the greatest healers of the planet.  Something about the very word “artist” stirred me.  I did not call myself an artist at that time.

 Sitting in the conference auditorium with a hundreds of people I had an unexplainable experience. It was as if a gentle hand had been placed on my chest.  Then there was a very real sensation of heavy, rusty, creaky iron doors being opened out from the front of my body.  These iron doors extended out an arms length from me. It seemed I could have reached out and touched them; although, they were not visible to the eye.  A rush of white light poured into my body and tears of joy poured from my eyes. The experience was a gift that touched me far beyond words.  I could not speak for more than an hour in part because there were no words.  The deep sense of bliss lasted for some days.

 It was not until the following week that I exclaimed out loud, “FOX”!   I had not made the connection.  The week before the conference I was in a local group of folks in Diane Bull’s living room doing self-exploration through the Celestine Prophecy course.  Gary Culp led us in a Shamanic journey to the beat of his drum.  Before the drumming began we were instructed to go to a place we loved and enter into the lower world by way of this opening.  I always go to my acreage in Central Texas overlooking rugged hillsides.  I listened intently as we were told each of us would be greeted by our power animal who would led us and finally present us with a gift.  The experience is much like having a dream in an altered state.  One is aware, yet not in everyday reality.  As Gary explained the process I felt the doubts arising that I could have an experience.  I let go and opened to all possibilities. 

 The drumming began.  Soon I was greeted by a spunky, spirited fox with a very busy tail.  He communicated with me mentally.  His message was very clear.  I followed him up a trail through a lush hillside covered with thick forest of tall pines. We continued to very large pond where Fox and I paused at the edge.  He asked me to look into the water and tell him what I saw.  “My own reflection”. I responded.  “See your beauty”, Fox requested gently, but with authority.  Then we stepped into the water and swam to the middle.  I could felt the coolness of the water on my skin and my hair floating on the surface of the water. The senses were all very aware.  When we reached the middle the drum began to beat rapidly indicating it was time to return.  We did quickly.  Fox had contacted me.

 The following couple of weeks Fox was everywhere as if to remind me of his gift.  The garden shop had a large fox statuary dressed in hunting clothes and sporting a big wink.  The local bookstore had a fox photo over the cash register that I had never noticed before.  My daughter was in Hawaii having life adventures and her friend; Glenn dressed in his military best after just completing boot camp took me out to a local restaurant to get an update on the girl he hoped was his sweetie.  As we talked I became aware that I needed to look up.  On the shelf about 5 feet over my head was a stuffed fox looking at me. 

 People were began telling me fox stories extraordinaire.  I went to see Connie, the mother of one of my daughter’s friends.  I did not mention foxes to her.  Instead we talked about some personal issues.  She finally said, “I know this doesn’t make sense, but I keep hearing the words in my head, “The fox is in the hen house’.” That statement proved to be true.  The native Americans believe that animals are messengers. They have symbolic meanings. (See Animal Wise by Ted Andrews). I have come to believe that to be so and notice when they appear.  And where does my new love live?  He lives at Foxwood condos. (Now Joe is with me in Texas and yes we have seen fox playing in our backyard like pups.) 

 I continue to feel that those incidents and other synchronicities were doorways pointing to my true path.  In 1998 I took a class from Frederica Marshall in Sarasota to explore oriental brushwork.  Later an afternoon with Art Therapist, Kathleen Horn showed me that my “mindless” drawing held vast treasures for my journey. For a few months I used the apartment of a friend to paint with joy and passion as sheet after sheet of painted pages fell to the floor during a day. A year later the women in an “Artist Way Group” and another friend encouraged me to get a studio.  These steps opened a door.  As it turns out a “Plum Door”. 

 My art was shown at The Plum Door Gallery in Towles Court Art Colony in Sarasota, Florida for two years where the paintings were viewed by hundreds.  Some paintings are now in collections in Santa Fe, New York, Philadelphia, Texas, Florida and the Mid-West.  I include this as a humble example of what fullness life can bring when we are open.  My intention was to find space to experience the joy of painting never expecting the work to be viewed, enjoyed or much less purchased by strangers who found tranquility in the paintings.   

 When painting I have no physical or mental model of what will evolve. I work with an approach that is familiar-- applying and dancing with color. My sense of aliveness speaks through the primal language of art. The vocabulary is organic and musical. The essence of painting for me, the flow of color, the movement of the brush, the freedom of movement is an act of wonder. Forms emerge and invite me to follow.  The painting takes on a life of its own and incorporates the elements in unexpected ways. I feel more like a witness than a creator.  The sense of spirit, freedom, passion, connection, nature, space and flow, are felt in each painting from the simplest to the most complex. The integrity of the work comes with walking my own path --of allowing a unique perspective as art mirrors my sense of life’s essence

 The Greek philosopher Heraclites (500 BC) said that you never can put your foot into the same stream twice.  Painting is like that for me.  The elements may look the same, but each painting is a new experience of stepping into the mystery of expression and its endless possibilities.

 I hold groups in “Awakening Creativity” as a way to support others in rediscovering and igniting their creative passion.  The invitation is there for all to expand to a fuller more alive sense of being ness. “Awakening Creativity” is both the name and the intention for these sessions. The creativity is often so close to the surface and it literally flows when given an invitation to emerge.  Our projects are simple with emphasis on the process, but the results are often profound. 

Over the years I have been involved in numerous creative endeavors. In the 1980’s as a freelance corporate art consultant I had the opportunity to support the work of many artists never guessing I would be showing my own work publicly 15 years later.  I co-produced a series of dozen alternative music concerts under the name New Directions at Pebble Hill church in 1988-89.  Other parts of my life collage included work as a public relations consultant for holistic professionals, co-directing Orca Video Productions with a wide range of clients from Johnson and Johnson, to recoding concerts live, to special video portrait stories of individuals.  In 1990 I co-edited a book, Eclogue published by Prentice-Hall and helped publish a book of poetry, Fire Journey.

 The greatest creative works I have witnessed has been my two children.  Ruth is a Shiatsu massage practitioner, improve artist, poet and scriptwriter and editor of this book/website. Paul (AKA: Zaz) is a musician, philosopher and student at Berklee College of Music in Boston. Life continues to be a creative adventure.

 
Catherine WerthSarasota, FL; Spring 2001
Dripping Springs, TX; Revised 2003

Inquiries about “Awakening Creativity” sessions in the Austin area welcome
Contact: cwerth@hillcountrytx.net 

People I want to thank for their support along the way include:
Beth Meininger  (Beth’s writing is in this collection at tapenergetics.com/ebook)
Danielle Green and the women’s group
JD Arc
Kathleen Horn