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8.
Simmering On The Back Burner, No More …
Fran Bareikis Pulli
There are years that ask questions and years that answer – And I’ve gone through them all. Passion and creativity have always been working in my life, regardless of the kind of years I was traveling through. And when no one at all was noticing me, I was probably being my most creative self.
As a young wife and homemaker in the 1950s, and eventually the mother of three sons, my dreams of pursuing art in any form were considered to be quite frivolous. Sometimes called ridiculous and immature ideas to be forgotten. I bought into that sort of thinking. It was, after all, the era of June Cleaver and Harriet Nelson. And so many of us young homemakers were the financially depleted version of those preposterous television role models.In truth, raising three boys in a modest one-income family called for super creativity in the kitchen, in the budget department and in balancing lives. I did not have any spare time to devote to poetry, writing, drawing, painting and such, and told myself those were all foolish desires anyway. And everything was put on the back burner…
By the late 1970s, I had become a determined, brave divorcee and a displaced homemaker. Without any ‘job skills’, I quickly became acquainted with the art of survival. I did have one big advantage -- I had already mastered the art of frugality.
Life is unpredictable. In 1977, mine was turned upside down with the death of my mother, my father’s suicide, and the end of my marriage. The added stress of having to leave my house and move into a small two bedroom apartment with three young sons -- all happened in one year. It’s a devastation that screams for survival…After recovering from a dark depression and indescribable grief, I was able to make a recommitment to self and to my sons and I moved on with the art of living. This could not have been done alone. It took a heap of love, a hell of a lot of support from women in transition, and professional therapy. My days, indeed, were busy transitioning, but my nights were filled with dreams again. Dreams of seeing sons grown into handsome successful men, becoming a doting grandmother, traveling, writing, painting, playing…
The 1980s were a much, much lighter decade. I was at last, financially independent and that was, and still is, real empowerment for a woman. I was also a grandmother now and I found time once in a while to write poems and short essays and get back to drawing a bit. And most excitedly, by the 1990s I was traveling. I have now been too fifteen countries and thirty of our United States, including Hawaii and Alaska.I had learned that you can have it all, you just can’t have it all at once.
My passions today are still quiet and often private, but are being realized. I have now been creatively GRAND mothering for the last nineteen years with seven granddaughters and one grandson. What joy they have brought! I am truly grateful – and it is gratitude that is at all times the music that keeps me dancing.
The happiness that I experience today from watching my own ‘frivolous’ creativity bursting forth is drizzled with lightness and ease. I have also been in a play reading group for seven years. Everything delights me! Getting to know this seasoned, peaceful, and…hmmm, talented woman (me) has been a remarkable journey. Just being able to make this statement, here and now, is remarkable too! But you must understand how important self-approval is. Approval from others has been about as nourishing of real growth as cotton candy.In the first two months of 2003, I went into a self imposed period of solitude. Winter’s frigid temperatures only added to my wanting to be at home. Home alone and quite content, not feeling isolated at all. And not feeling depressed either. I’ve never gone through a more peaceful January and February in my life. No, I’m not oblivious to what is going on in the world today. Behaving lovingly and morally allows me to see all the suffering in the world. And it‘s the act of noticing that is ‘loving-kindness’. I am just being the peace I want to see.
At first, I saw my solitude as merely hibernating. Seemingly not a particularly creative endeavor, and yet I accidentally discovered computer painting during this period of time. And for me, it was an exciting new art form, one that flowed so effortlessly, both enriching and elevating my solitude. One can be self-inspiring, but not for very long…Thirty-some paintings later, I’m as passionate about this new adventure of mine as ever, and I would love to share it with you and be further inspired.
And oh, there is something else that happened during my two months of solitude…
My sister and I were reunited and reconciled after nine long years of being estranged. Pretty damn amazing! My parents are joyfully dancing and clapping their hands, wherever they are now! Yes, my intention had been out there for a very long time. Perhaps, all it needed was the quietness of solitude.And so it is, after all, true. We never really sit out anything. We are all cups constantly and quietly being filled…
We continue to amaze ourselves!
Simmering On The Back Burner, No More…
Fran Bareikis PulliRetired ‘displaced’ homemaker and Weight Watcher’s Leader/Lecturer, who now resides in Montgomery County, PA. She is happily pregnant with herself and totally enjoying her active seventh decade of wondrous life, clearing off the back burners…
Email:
frnep@aol.com Click Here For: Fran’s Computer Paintings[ <<< Back ] [ Next >>> ] [ Contents ] [ Home ]
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